A Not So Normal Home
by Vicious Pink
Summary: PSII - What do Amy's parents think about their daughter moving in with two strange men and a wild numan girl? Read on to discover all the hilarious misadventures of Amy's first contact with her family after joining Rolf's team.


_Note: I wrote this story as I was thinking about how Amy is introduced in the game as being "from a normal home." Indeed, while most of the characters have exceptional or unknown histories, the game makes a point of mentioning Amy's normality. I thought it would be interesting to explore how her family might initially react to her joining Rolf's group. The tone of this little piece of fiction is anything but serious._

* * *

It was almost 10 o'clock a.m. on a Saturday when the visiphone rang on the coffee table in Rolf's living area. Rudo had his feet propped up on the table and was tinkering with a piece of surveillance equipment. He grunted as he bent over to read the caller ID on the front of the visiphone's screen.

He read back the caller ID. "Milton and Claire Sage? Hey, Doctor!" he called to Amy. "I think someone you might know is on the phone."

Amy emerged from the adjoining kitchen, drying her hands with a dish towel. "Huh?"

Rudo turned the front of the visiphone to her. "Do you know a Mil-"

"Mom! Dad! Hit respond! Put it up on the big screen; I want them to meet everyone!"

Rudo paused. "Eh, I don't know about that, but whatever makes you happy." He pressed "respond" and connected the phone to the wall-mounted monitor.

A middle-aged woman appeared on the screen. She had red hair like Amy's, but it was curled and cropped close to her head. She had the same expressive features Amy had, and at the moment she looked more worried than pleased to see the young doctor.

"Amy?" She leaned forward and squinted.

"I'm right here, Mom." Amy moved square in front of the screen, waving happily at the older woman's image.

The woman focused on her daughter. "Amy!"

"Hi, Mom! I'm so glad you finally returned my-"

"Where _are_ you?" Amy's mother frantically interrupted.

Amy stepped back and blinked. "What? You got my message, right? I'm temporarily living in Paseo with-"

"Your father and I have been worried sick about you, Amy Cat!"

Rudo let out a snort. "_Amy Cat?_"

Amy groaned as she rubbed her forehead. "Mom, I sent you a message that I quit my job in Oputa to work as a medical consultant for the government. Didn't you get it?"

"Your message made no sense, sweetie. You wouldn't quit your job! Not when you just got your life back together, started dating again-"

"Mother!"

"I had to call Heinz to find out what exactly was going on. I thought you had lost your mind, or you had been taken hostage, or had joined some cult-"

"I'm not... I'm not crazy, Mom! And you called _Heinz?_ Why?"

Rudo smirked. "Boyfriend of yours?"

Amy shot him an angry glance.

"Just asking," Rudo said. He put his arms behind his head as he reclined into the couch.

"Would you knock it off, please?" Amy said out of the corner of her mouth.

"Who's that?" Amy's mother narrowed her gaze in Rudo's direction.

"It's-" Amy began, but was cut off by Rudo.

"Captain Rudolf Steiner, Palman Armed Forces, retired, ma'am." Rudo rose from the sofa and stood beside Amy.

"Is this the Rolf you mentioned in your message? Is _this_ the guy you're living with now?"

Amy looked at Rudo, embarrassed by her mother's comment. "N-no. I mean, yes, I'm living with him. Sort of... I mean... this is Rudo. Rolf is the agent I told you about. Rudo and I are living here _temporarily,_ Mom. I'm not... _living_ with him. Or Rolf."

Rudo, threw his arm around Amy's shoulders and gave her a hard squeeze. "Don't worry, Ms. Sage. We'll take _great_ care of your daughter."

"You're not helping," Amy muttered under her breath.

Amy's mother frowned at Rudo. "Oh, Amy Cat... sweetie! He's too old for you."

"_Ouch._" Rudo moved his arm away from Amy.

"I'm not hearing this! Mom, we are not..." She paused. "We're colleagues, okay? That's all!"

"So you're still with Heinz?"

"_Mom!_"

"I knew it. Boyfriend!" Rudo gave Amy a pat on the back as he headed to the kitchen.

Amy put her head in her hands. "No! I'm not dating anyone, Mother! Please don't do this to me!"

Another figured appeared in the background on the screen. It was Amy's father, a man of average height and build, with short, wavy black hair and a full beard.

"Claire? Did you get Amy on the phone?"

"Milt, get in here! I found Amy. She's living with _two men_ in Paseo. She says the government hired her."

"For what?" the man asked as he approached the visiphone's camera.

Amy cautiously spoke to her father. "Dad, please tell Mom not to worry about me. She won't listen to me!"

"Amy Catherine Sage, what in the world are you doing in Paseo? Do I need to get your brother to teleport over there and haul you back to Oputa?"

"Dad! I'm 23! I can take care of myself!"

"Well, what's this I hear about you living with some men? Your mother thinks you joined a cult; is this true?"

Amy sighed. "Of course I didn't join a cult, Dad! Have a little faith in me, okay? I'm here to-"

Nei suddenly appeared, stark naked and wet from a bath, from out of the dark hallway. Amy noticed her out of the corner of her eye and frantically turned in Nei's direction.

"Nei! Don't come out here, please!" She waved at the numan to go back down the hallway.

Nei had a wild expression on her face. Her head darted around; she looked as though she was concentrating on something, but Amy couldn't tell what it was.

"A spot on the wall!" Nei exclaimed and suddenly bolted into the living room, right past the screen. "I can get it!" She jumped on the wall at the other end of the room, digging her nails at a shaft of light.

Amy's father gasped. "_Who was that?"_

"This isn't happening; this really, truly is not happening." Amy rubbed her forehead. "Rolf! Get Nei!"

Rudo spoke to Amy's parents from behind the kitchen counter. "That was Nei, Mr. Sage. She lives here, too."

"And who was that?" Amy's father asked, speaking of Rudo.

"That's Rolf somebody-or-other, dear. That's one of the government employees she's living with," answered Amy's mother.

"No, Mom. That's Rudo, remember?"

"He said his name was Rudolf."

"He goes by Rudo."

"He's not Rolf?"

"No! We went through this already!"

"Then who's Rolf?"

"The government agent! This is his house!"

"Rudolf said he was military. That makes him government, too."

"He's retired! He's a hunter."

"You're seeing a hunter? A retired captain-turned-hunter who's probably old enough to be your-"

"He's not that old! For the last time, I'm not dating anyone!"

Rolf finally emerged from his room, still in his lounge pants, his eyes adjusting to the morning light.

"Wha'tsh with all th' c'mmoshun ou' here?" He squinted his eyes and scratched his head.

"Rolf! Get Nei, _now!_" Amy ordered, pointing to Nei at the other end of the room.

Rolf quickly snapped out of his daze as he looked on in horror at the sight of Nei climbing the walls.

"Oh crap!" He ran toward Nei. "What are you doing?" he asked Nei as he pulled her away from the wall and led her back to the bathroom.

Nei screamed and thrashed as Rolf dragged her away. "No! The light! I have to get it!"

"Amy, I demand an explanation!" Amy's father yelled into the visiphone.

Amy was almost in tears. "That was Rolf."

"Why wasn't he properly dressed? _Why_ was that girl naked?" Amy's mother asked.

"He just got up, Mom, and Nei is..." Amy had no idea how to explain Nei. "She's..."

"It's just as I thought! I told you, Milt, didn't I? She's joined a cult! A kinky sex cult!"

Roaring laughter came from the kitchen.

"Thanks a lot, Rudo! Could you at least try to help me out here?"

Rudo continued to laugh. "Sure thing, puddin', but once we're done talking to Ma and Pa, I think it's time to show your ol' Uncle Rudy some love."

Amy gulped. Her parents gasped. Both ends of the conversation froze, locked in a terrified stare.

In a broken voice Amy stammered, "G-gotta go, Mo-om. D-dad. I'll explain e-everything later." She hastily turned off the visiphone and fell onto the sofa, burying her face in the cushions.

Rudo entered the living room and sat down next to Amy, resting his feet on the coffee table.

"That went well," he said.

Amy picked her head up from the cushions. The anger she felt was hot enough to melt laconium. She took a cushion and swung it with all the force she could muster, hitting Rudo smack in his impish grin.


End file.
